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Here’s Why Moms Should Eat the Frog Too

Here’s Why Moms Should Eat the Frog Too

Have you ever heard the phrase:
​ “Eat the frog?”

It comes from a quote that is often used by productivity authors to emphasize that we can avoid procrastination by completing the tasks that we’ve been putting off early in the day, so we can then focus on other things.

​Though the quote has been attributed to Mark Twain, it actually came from a French humorist named Nicolas Chamfort (1741-1794):

         Swallow a toad in the morning if you want to encounter
​         nothing more
 disgusting the rest of the day.

I’ve found this advice to be helpful in many areas of my life, mostly because I have a tendency to procrastinate with tasks I am dreading to do. I often wait till the last day something is due before finishing it, whether it’s my driver’s license registration, field trip permission slips and immunization records, or projects at work. The tasks float in and out of brain, taking up energy because I continuously remember them and realize they are not getting done. Then, I get stressed completing them at the very last minute, sometimes missing deadlines, or even worse, getting it done just in the nick of time and having the (undeserved) reward of completing the task…which only makes me more likely to do it again! All in all it’s a cycle that doesn’t work well for me.

When I’ve tried to ‘eat the frog’ in the past, I’ve noticed that those dreaded tasks get out of my head and I am free to move onto other things. It is such a relief! They are not poking and nagging at me all day, or week, and instead they get checked off the to-do list and I can do something else. For me this technique replaces the negative energy of an unfinished job with a boost of satisfaction and motivation.

As I was thinking about this technique the other day, it suddenly occurred to me that there’s a whole other set of tasks that I keep putting off and not “eating”: my self-care. Those tasks that nourish my body, mind and heart, and that help me be more productive in every area of my life. I’m not sure they are really ‘frogs,’ because I do feel like I want to do them. Nevertheless, I am procrastinating and they are not getting done even though I need them in my life. Simple things like getting my hair cut regularly. Or using that gift certificate for a massage that my husband gave me years ago. Important things like scheduling a night out with a girlfriend or calling the babysitter to finally plan that date night everyone keeps saying we need to do.

Why don’t we use productivity principles for things that matter but that keep getting pushed aside, like our self-care?

​For example, what would happen if early in the day I “ate the frog” and found 10 minutes for myself to sit quietly with a cup of coffee? Or how might my week feel different if on Sunday night I texted some friends to make plans for the next weeks, or identified a date for that ever-elusive spa treatment by myself? It might just have the dual benefit of getting out of my head AND providing the opportunity to do something that I know will benefit me and my relationships.

How can you “eat the frog” this week to promote your well-being?

Faculty Mama: I Assign You an A+ This Semester

Faculty Mama: I Assign You an A+ This Semester

Last week was rough. As I was hurriedly getting ready for a day of never-ending grading, search committee meetings and reference letter writing, I heard a loud “MOMMY!” from my oldest child’s bathroom. I turned the corner, just in time to see her start throwing up into the toilet. On the one hand, it was a joyous moment because she made it to the toilet (hooray!). On the other hand, it was exactly the type of obstacle that I felt like I couldn’t possibly navigate around this busy time of semester. I freaked out, but then quickly got to strategizing for the day. It worked out (it always seems to, right?), but it left me thinking about how much there is for faculty mamas to do this time of year.

All moms are amazing, and I don’t believe in contests about who works the hardest. This post is just a shout-out to all my fellow faculty mamas so we can take a second to congratulate each other for all we’ve done.

As you’ll see, the rubric below gives you a lot of credit, because you deserve it! Feel free to add a comment with anything else you’ve done this late Fall. You rock, #facultymama!

Grading Rubric:
Oops, totally forgot to do this – 5 points
Pretty sure I’ll get to it at the last minute; still hopeful – 5 points
Miraculously, this is done – 5 points

End-of-Semester Objectives:
a) Letters of reference (it’s part of my job, but…)
b) Gifts for school teachers (hope I don’t repeat what I gave them when they had my other child)
c) Grading — papers (why did I assign papers?!)
d) Grading — exams (those 2 hours of giving the exam were glorious. Next year I’ll use multiple choice)
e) Grading — presentations (also nice to watch them, but now I have to grade them)
f) Getting out all the cold weather gear for the kids (snow pants, Cuddle Duds, gloves, winter boots, scarves)
g) Going out and buying missing cold weather gear
h) Review admission files for Spring (it seems impossible to think about next Fall already…)
i) Gifts for daycare teachers (hope I don ‘t repeat what I gave them when they had my other child)
j) Interview faculty candidates (gotta get them in before the break)
k) Gifts for family (hope I don’t repeat what I gave them last year)
l) Enter data for faculty activities report (time to face the harsh truth)
m) Gift for my partner (who is that again?)
n) Stay home with sick child (iPad wins Noble Prize in Caregiving)
o) Overdose on zinc and vitamins to avoid getting sick (probably should also work on getting more sleep)
p) Talk about needing more sleep, but stay up too late grading (and on the internet)
q) Submit article/chapter/conference abstract (cope with insecurities about not doing enough)
r) End-of-semester faculty meeting (no comment)
s) End-of-semester college meeting (no comment)
t) Meet with students to talk about last-minute efforts to increase grade (wha…?!)
u) Start planning for hosting a holiday event (I actually like doing this but of course won’t have time)
v) Plan for data collection in Spring (it seems so far away but I know it’ll be here soon)
w) Talk to my partner periodically (who is that again?)
x) Stay on top of kids’ homework, library book returns, school lunch account, donations for class parties (this could be a full-time job!)
y) Begin thinking about my syllabi for Spring (HA!)
z) WHAT ELSE??
Post a comment so we can see what else you’ve accomplished, faculty mama!

A Little Imagery Can Go a Long Way In Managing Stress

A Little Imagery Can Go a Long Way In Managing Stress

There’s no denying it—this time of year can be really overwhelming.  Every time I talk to a fellow mom we end up venting about how there’s too little time between Thanksgiving and the winter holidays, we have too much to do, and we don’t know how we will ever get everything done.
​Just thinking of it now–gifts for teachers, family and friends, hosting/cooking, preparing for travel, work deadlines–makes me breathe a little faster and makes my mood a little more anxious and irritable.This stress is real and there’s no point in pretending it’s not. Managing it will require that we stay organized and efficiently use our time in the next weeks. But it’s not only about time management; it’s just as important for us to think of the ways we can take charge of the hectic worlds inside our minds. Sometimes if we guide our thoughts in more helpful ways it will help us slow things down and not spiral into panic.One of my favorite tools for managing stress is imagery. I don’t necessarily use a long or elaborate guided imagery exercise; instead, I pick just one image that I will call into my mind when I feel myself getting anxious or overwhelmed. Along with a mantra or calming phrase, bringing the image into awareness can help stop my anxiety from going from 0 to 80 when I think about my to-do list. Below are a few of my favorite images that I use in times of stress, as well as the calming phrases I use when I visualize them.​

 

A Little Imagery - Hopeful MamaCalming Phrase:
I am grounded and solid, even if there is a storm around me. I can handle this.”

 

 

 

A Little Imagery - Hopeful MamaCalming Phrase:
“Every step I take, even if it’s small, helps me make progress.”

 

 

 

 

A Little Imagery - Hopeful Mama

Calming Phrase:
“I’m just riding the waves right now, as best I can.
​I may fall off but I can get back  up again.”
                      

 

 

What images and calming phrases help you during stressful times?

Hope Notes for Moms: Meet Your New Boss

Hope Notes for Moms: Meet Your New Boss

Dear New Mom,

Welcome to the most challenging job you will ever have.  Your new boss is small but loud and has poor communication skills.  You probably already know you love your new boss more than you could ever imagine.  There will be times you think you’re not good enough to work for your new little boss.  The fact that you feel that way means you’re doing your best.  We have all been there, feeling overwhelmed and oh so tired.  Hang in there and remember you will get lots of smiles, kisses and hugs:  the best payment you will ever get.  Best of luck!

 ~ A fellow mom

The Hope Notes for Moms project is a collection of brief messages of support and hope for moms, written by moms. You can find an archive of all the notes here. Most importantly, you can contribute to this project and support a fellow mom by emailing me your own hope note to: hopenotesformoms@gmail.com.

Help! My House is About to Be Invaded by Halloween Candy

Help! My House is About to Be Invaded by Halloween Candy

For families who celebrate Halloween, this is a really fun time of year. Yes, sometimes there is a scramble to get the costumes together at the last minute, but overall it is pretty darn sweet to see our kids all dressed up and watch them trick-or-treat.

The only challenging thing is the ENORMOUS bags of candy that only seem to get bigger and bigger with every fall festival, classroom party, and doorbell that they ring.

So, I’m on a quest to find out what my fellow mamas do with all that candy…

In my house we tackle this in 4 very non-creative, simple ways:

1. Outsource: I bring bags of candy to my grad students. We unload some of the candy, and students seem happy.

2. The Magic Candy Bag: We have a bag, stored at the top of the cupboard that holds all the goodies. It is not magical but the kids look at it and talk about it as if it was. This bag becomes very useful for bribes (e.g., “if you finish those last 2 bites of asparagus…”), as well as spontaneous rewarding (e.g., “I’m so impressed with how you cleaned up without being asked to” – wait, I’ve actually never used this one before).

3. Hope for temporary memory lapse regarding the Magic Candy Bag. When the girls were younger, after a few days they seemed to forget the bag was there anymore. Thank you, Piaget and lack of object permanence! As they have grown older, however, their cognitive development has increased (imagine that), especially in the area of treats.

4. Eat candy myself: This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll just note my husband likes to join in on this too.

I keep thinking there must be more ideas somewhere…isn’t there a creative Pinterest activity for melting the candy and creating a dessert or sculpture? Maybe a Lego-inspired candy castle that we can try to make?

My fellow mamas, what do you do with all that Halloween candy this time of year?

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