Please Pass the Mindfulness this Thanksgiving

by Lisa Edwards, Ph.D | Nov 21, 2018 | Hopeful Mama, Positive Psychology and Strengths | 0 comments

The holidays can be incredibly busy, and sometimes just thinking about them starts to make us feel stressed. There’s planning, purchasing, preparing, maybe traveling and hosting, and navigating relationships and expectations. All of this, of course, is on top of our usual responsibilities as parents and family members.

In times like this, when we know we need to stay energized and avoid getting overwhelmed, we can try to include moments of mindfulness into our days. The beauty of mindfulness is that it can be beneficial even in small doses, and it doesn’t require that we drive somewhere and sit in silence for 10 days. Mindfulness really means slowing down, being aware of what is happening in the moment, and paying attention to our thoughts and reactions without judgment. Mindfulness is something we can practice in many different situations, even when we are walking or eating…or in the bathroom! Research shows us that integrating mindfulness can benefit our physical and emotional health, our productivity, and the way we approach others in relationships.

The whole point of the holidays is to get to spend quality time with family and friends. How do we keep that intention while avoiding the stress of trying to get everything done?

Below are a few simple strategies for integrating moments of mindfulness into our days:

Slow down. Getting ready for a gathering or travel can feel like a scattered race. In these times I find myself losing things, sticking the milk in the cupboard by mistake, and generally feeling overly activated. Sometimes just repeating the words “slow down,” and encouraging our bodies to follow (e.g., taking slower steps around the house and cutting back on multitasking) is helpful. Other times we might need to cue ourselves to “stop and take 3 slow, focused breaths” before moving to the next task. There is a lot to get done in a short amount of time, but the cost on our bodies and emotions of anxiously running around usually isn’t worth it.

Find a moment to take a break…alone. One of the benefits of being in a larger group for the holidays is that someone might be able to watch your kids for a second if you need to take a break. Maybe your break will come while you are showering and getting ready, or maybe all you can do is sneak away to the restroom. While you’re alone, use that moment to take some cleansing breaths and note how you are feeling. If you find yourself stressed or anxious, remind yourself that it is just a moment, and it will pass. If you find yourself joyful, note that and try to take a mental picture of what is happening so you can savor the positive emotions.

Observe and enjoy for a minute. While everyone is gathered around the table or talking in the living room, sit back and (surreptitiously) be the observer. What is happening right now? Notice some of the good things happening around you (e.g., your kids are engaged in an activity with a family member, everyone is enjoying their food), and take a second to just revel in this moment. Acknowledge how nice it is to have this moment; sometimes the simplest observations of gratitude are the most powerful.

What are your mindfulness strategies for the holidays?

Easiest Gratitude Exercise Ever

by Lisa Edwards, Ph.D | Nov 20, 2018 | Hopeful Mama, Positive Psychology and Strengths | 1 comment

Gratitude seems to be everywhere these days — from journals to books to posters and pillows. There’s a good reason for the focus on gratitude, since research shows that it’s one of the most powerful strengths we can cultivate. Being grateful is good for our health and mental health. People who practice gratitude regularly (for example by keeping a gratitude journal) have stronger immune systems and lower blood pressure, and they report more joy and positivity in their lives. Grateful people also tend to be more generous and compassionate. Gratitude helps us affirm the goodness in our lives, which has positive effects on our ourselves and the people around us.

The speed and hustle of each day often makes it hard for me to remember to feel grateful, even though I know that in my heart I am deeply grateful for so much in my life. I also know that by the time I get myself to bed at night the last thing I feel that I have the energy to do is start journaling, or writing a letter of thanks to someone.

So how can we go about being more grateful, especially in our busy lives? How can we cultivate gratitude in a way that is meaningful, yet easily integrated into our day?

Recently I discovered a simple strategy that helps me to be more mindful about my gratitude. I discovered this technique when my husband and I took the kids to their first movie. We had been talking about this upcoming adventure with the kids for days, talking about what it would be like and what we would eat at the movie theater, and how they needed to be good to ensure that they would get to go to the movies (yes, it served as a bribe at times :).

The morning of the movie outing was completely chaotic. No-one wanted to get dressed, we were running late before we had even started getting ready, and everyone refused to act happy and excited. There was sibling-to-sibling fighting, parent-to-child nagging, and parent-to-parent frustration. With each threat I delivered that we weren’t going to go to the movie I realized that my words had become completely empty. By the time we finally got in the car, I was thoroughly annoyed, and the only thought that kept running through my head was a self-pitying: “so much for trying to do something nice.”

I continued with my unpleasant, frazzled feeling as we bought our tickets, used the bathroom, and bought popcorn. We sat down, switched places a few times, and then sat down again. The kids threw their jackets at me and started asking for treats. As the lights went down I was still turning off my cell phone, gathering jackets and reaching for a tissue. The first preview came on and I was so busy with still trying to get settled that it took me a moment before I looked over and noticed that my kids were frozen, their eyes glued to the screen. I stopped moving around and watched their beautiful profiles as they stared ahead. I stared as my youngest laughed out loud at something in the preview. I watched as my oldest sucked on a fruit snack, eyes staring straight ahead at the screen. I glanced at my husband who sipped his soda and winked at me. I was flooded with a warm wave of love and gratitude.

I suddenly thought, this moment is good. That’s it. The moment was good. The moment before wasn’t, and I had no idea how the next one would be. But that moment was good.

Since that morning I have been trying to remember to name my gratitude in this, easy simple way. This moment is good. Sometimes I realize the moment is good when we are playing Uno together, or when we are laughing as we come into the house after a walk around the neighborhood. I won’t lie — I rarely name the good moments in the morning. But gratitude isn’t about pretending there aren’t hassles and stressors in our lives; it’s about recognizing what is good. What I love about this strategy is that it also brings my awareness to the moment — the only moment I have — the present.

​This moment is good. Name it, use it, share it!

This post was originally published on hopefulmama.com on June 1, 2016.

How the Psychology of Hope Could Be Your Road Map

by Lisa Edwards, Ph.D | Sep 4, 2018 | Hopeful Mama, Positive Psychology and Strengths | 0 comments

Remember Pandora from Greek mythology?

Pandora was the first human created by the Greek gods who unleashed all the evils into the world when she opened a box that Zeus told her not to touch. Just as she realized that evils like greed, jealousy, anger, and plagues were flying out into the world from the box, she quickly closed the lid, catching one last thing before it could escape. That last thing, of course, was hope.

Psychologists have been researching hope for years, providing evidence that it is a useful, positive strength that everyone can apply to their lives. The most popular hope theory, developed by psychologist Rick Snyder, suggests that hope is about having goals for the future and navigating obstacles as you actively work towards those goals.

We all have goals, whether they are small (“I want to work out today”) or large (“I want to put more time into my relationship with my partner”). Inevitably, obstacles come in the way of these goals and sometimes we can get off-course. Hopeful people have the mental energy to stay focused on their goals, and they also find avenues to get around obstacles.

Hopeful people seek support from others, problem-solve, or tell themselves positive statements to keep them motivated. Sometimes they even modify their goals. Either way, they are able to pick themselves up and find other ways to tackle their challenges and keep moving ahead. Research also shows us that people who are hopeful are more satisfied with life, have higher academic achievement and are better able to manage physical and mental health concerns.

The beauty of hope is that we can teach it to others, model it for our kids, and work on building our own hope each day. How many times have you encountered an obstacle on the way to a goal? This is pretty much an hourly occurrence for most humans. We spill cereal in the morning, we’re running late to drop off the kids, we feel tired after a bad night of sleep, or we’re experiencing conflict with someone.

Obstacles are prominent in everyone’s lives, and being hopeful gives us a road map for how to navigate them and move towards our goals. 

Below are some exercises to develop your hopeful road map:

1. Spend some time each day thinking about your goals. Try to identify the short-term goals that you want to get done that day, as well as the larger goals that you would like to work towards over the next days and weeks. Try to make sure they are realistic but don’t be afraid to dream big as well.

2. Talk with important people in your life about your goals, as well as theirs. Describe the obstacles that are coming up for you and brainstorm ways to support one another as you navigate the challenges.

3. The next time you face an obstacle, pause for a second and recognize it as such, reminding yourself that everyone faces obstacles towards the goals they want to achieve.

4. Consider how you want to model hope to your children. How do you want them to see you handling obstacles? Don’t be afraid to say your hopeful thoughts out loud (for example, “Okay, we can’t find the right building but we are going to ask for help and we’ll be able to find it. We’ll figure this out.”)

5. Periodically review your goals and see which need to be revised. Think carefully about which goals stretch you in positive ways, and which might not be realistic. Remember that part of the joy of hope is that you can adapt and create new goals if you need to!

This article was originally posted on hopefulmama.com on October 21, 2015.